Superpsycho screenplay: fun, clever, rejected

Despite calling it "fun" (five times), "clever" (twice) and "so close from becoming a classic", the Fan Fiction Festival has not accepted Superpsycho. Go figure.

Here are their feedback notes.

"Hi Shockadelic

Thank you for your submission to the Writing Festival. Here is the feedback on your submission. The committee has noted that your story is not yet ready to be performed at our festival. If you like to resubmit, please email us back whenever you're ready and we'll have you submit for 30% off the regular submission.

Superpsycho is a fun crossover between the universe of Superman and that of Alfred Hitchcock’s Psycho. Martin Crane, a man on the lamb, checks in to a quiet motel but he is perturbed by the strange behaviour of its handsome proprietor Clark Kent. How will Martin cope when things start going bump in the night?

There is a lot of lighthearted fun in this script, poking fun at the original source materials in a clever way. I especially liked the twist on the voyeur scene in Psycho in which Norman Bates spies on Marion through a hole in the wall whereas Clark Kent uses his xray vision to spy on Martin in his room, sometimes unwillingly. The homoerotic, irreverent take on the original texts was clever and fun in tone.

The blood/red hair dye twist felt a bit obvious overall but the moment of Martin washing it off his hands was nice, even it did confuse the roles slightly. Since the plot follows Psycho, even using a lot of lines from the film, it would be better to stick to Martin as Marion and Clark as Norman, unless you are saying something specific by changing it. Perhaps Clark/Waldo could get the dye on his hands while spying on Martin in the shower?

On that moment, it felt like it lacked something. Obviously the shower scene is so iconic that it has to be used in a parody such as this but it felt like a repetition of the earlier voyeur moment of Clark spying on Martin. The underlying current of this short is sexual tension but while the shower scene is more intrusive than the xray vision, it’s still just voyeurism. Something more needs to happen in his interaction maybe Martin is horrified at first but then thinks what the hell and invites Clark/Waldo in? This could be a fun visual moment with the red hair dye staining the suit and the bath, etc.

There are a couple of small details in this short that may need changing; firstly I’m not sure an outline of a knife would be visible underneath Martin’s jeans. As it is a key set up for a pay off later in the film, perhaps Martin could actually visibly put it there or take it out to check it. Secondly, while I like the play on Marion to Martin Crane, all I could think about was Frasier, though Marty Crane doesn’t quite work as well, it may avoid this confusion. It might be worth asking a few other people if they had this issue before you make any changes.

This script is a lot of fun but it felt a little like a repetition of Psycho with not enough changed in order to keep an audience engaged. This is the start of a really fun take on a classic but it can be pushed further in almost every scene and particularly the ending in order to make it different and really capitalize on the humor. This script is so close from becoming a classic.

Please let us know your thoughts on your feedback. Always want to make sure that each writer is satisfied with their notes to ready them for their next draft."