"Marx-Brothers-on-LSD"
Here is Slamdance Screenwriting Competition's brief feedback (provided for all Slamdance entrants):
"FEEDBACK: Slamdance Screenwriting Competition 2016 - Feedback
Below is your feedback for the 2016 Slamdance Screenplay Competition. Every entrant receives a few lines of feedback from the first reader to review the work. The feedback includes a logline, genre suggestion and brief feedback to the writer. For more extensive feedback, please consider our coverage service, available for an additional fee. This feedback is not an indication of how well your script is doing in our competition. We will not make those decisions until we prepare to announce our finalists in September/October, 2016. No response is needed to this feedback.
TITLE OF SCREENPLAY: Loonatoona
GENRE: Comedy
LOGLINE: A typical day in the life of a most atypical family.
SHORT FEEDBACK: You clearly demonstrate a wickedly psychedelic imagination and a nice Marx-Brothers-on-LSD aesthetic that works-to a point. The problem with your gags is that you cannot rely upon them to carry a feature film. Ultimately, the reader still wants you to get around to telling a compelling story. In this script, you make things even harder by shifting between four narrative threads (Susan, Bazza, Miranda, Bobby) so that the viewer no sooner gets comfortable with one story than you take him or her to the next. Also, this script might be a hard sell on the international film market, which (unfairly) tends to discourage thick Australian slang and dialogue."
